This time I've really lost my mind,

Measure these things by your eyes.

2008-01-09T05:41:48Z

I find it interesting that no matter how good someones intentions are, they can still be the focus of so much energy.

I am, however, content to sit back, relax, watch it blow up in their faces, and kill every ounce of dignity they have left.

Perhaps thats harsh, but I'll let cynicism to get the best of this one.

What the fuck ever. I'm going on 20 years old. I just figured High School drama was just that.
Live in the past, do what you like. It's not my life to ruin.

Maybe those are all lies, I could just be bored again.

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right...

2008-01-02T06:08:33Z

Feeling indestructible is the best feeling in the world.

(pssst....It's alright to be jealous, I would be too.)

She dreams in color

2007-12-24T08:08:23Z

The past week or so has felt nothing short of a terrible Lifetime movie. Yes, I'm aware Lifetime has yet to make a good movie..
I don't understand how girls do this day in and day out. If I was like this everyday, I'd kill myself.
Seriously.

I know you feel alone, yeah, and no one else can figure you out
But don't you ever turn away from the ones that help you down.
Well they'd love to save you. Don't you know they love to see you smile?
But these colors that you've shined are surely not your style.

There, I updated, happy?

You made a rock star of me.

2007-12-13T04:34:05Z

Hey, Josh!!!!
Look, I updated.

....Out of my mouth.

2007-10-29T03:47:54Z

Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned......Tyler.

Beyond fake.

2007-09-09T03:42:36Z

I wish I had the balls to break everyone else's. There's no use in holding my tongue.

I care so little about how "great" or how "miserable" your life is going that I'm not even going to waste the time, or the energy to point out just how fucking useless you really are.

Pretentious Whore....

2007-08-29T18:25:58Z

Someone plese help me to understand the idiocy thaat flows through the majority of people around here.

I can't see straight, but the two of you look awfully pretty....

2007-08-12T05:27:33Z

I'm glad everyone is so cool! I love everyone! I wish this could happen all the time!!!!!!!!

Yeah right.

if you know me at all, you know I hate this word... but your all fucking Cunts.

Have a great fucking night.

Looking at the stars, sir.

2007-07-22T06:50:45Z

Spontaneity at it’s greatest, could land you in a world of shit…

I can't pass up this opportunity

2007-07-14T06:27:15Z

Live journal has done me such a great favor...

I know I should feel empathetic when someone I know is like aww, poor me, my life sucks....
Instead of my usual response of making them feel bad by stating the obvious "look at people in *name random poor country...*
Tonight, I litterally just laughed hysterically, out loud..
The bitch of it is, I don't feel bad at all, I just laugh even harder

The same song keeps skipping in my head.

2007-07-13T07:47:34Z

Cuff links and hub caps
trophies and paperbacks
it's good transportation
but the brakes aren't so hot
neck tie and boxing gloves
this jackknife is rusted
you can pound that dent out
on the hood
a tinker, a tailor
a soldier's things
his rifle, his boots full of rocks
oh and this one is for bravery
and this one is for me
and everything's a dollar
in this box ...

Cut me open. Sun poisioned. This offer stands forever.New hair cut. New bracelet. Eyeliner

2007-06-15T08:29:53Z

Tonight I’ve come to several conclusions. The most important of them being I don’t want to be here. As great as Oxford is, I’ve lived her 15 years, I’m sick of it. I want to do something. I want to decide to take a road trip at the drop of a hat. I desperately wish to go California. I want to go to New York. I want to travel Michigan. I want to go back to Chicago. I want to have absolutely no attachments. I want the people I knew back. I want someone who seriously wants to move out with me… I can’t afford it on my own. I want plans to stop falling through. I want. I want. I want. I wish.

Game Over.

2007-05-01T04:19:08Z

Repress.

Here's to goodbye, tomorrow's gonna come to soon...

2007-04-19T15:05:38Z

So, I’ve made it almost 19 years being able to say I have no regrets, even with my school situation. Sure, dropping Oxford sucked... but I could find a silver lining, which is very unusual for me... Country Day was a new experience, I get to work while everyone else is sitting through class, bullshit like that.

Today, however, I picked up the graduation announcements, and all the bullshit my grandma ordered. I opened it when I got home and had a complete change in attitude. That got me thinking about last November, or whenever the fuck that all happened, that was probably one of the hardest times in my life, but I can‘t complain about something that’s entirely my fault. Things like walking at graduation, caps and gowns, senior pictures, all seemed so petty to me, but now I can’t help but feel complete remorse... With all my sincerity, I’m sorry, to everyone.

I guess the moral of the story is, listen to your friends when they tell you to go to class. They mean well.

Pink ribbon scars that never forget.

2007-04-02T05:38:11Z

I recently discovered a cover of "Today" done by Poison The Well. What the fuck? A big fucking congrats to them, they've given a new meaning to butchered. Only Billy Corgan can sing that song as it's intended to be... That song (the SP version) is incredible on so many levels, I can not even begin to explain it..

Today is the greatest
Today is the greatest day
Today is the greatest day
~~That I have ever really known~~

We've talked so much I think we've filled this ashtray twice.

2007-03-23T00:07:10Z

Last night I had a really good talk with a close friend, it made me actually really appreciate where I live, and those who risk their lives to keep it this way. it was strange though, the talk was not about us, or even those we know.... It also made me realize that I seriously hate high school, and all the mindless drama that comes along with it more than anything. I've also realized that I can't stand fake people, which is part of my resentment toward high school, and why those who once claimed to be my friends really aren't any longer... and why I've rekindled old friendships. Not to quote an excellent Blink 182 song but I guess this is growing up.... I won't complain.
I like when things get put in perspective.

I don't know, I'm just glad it's finally warm out, that's all.

My optimisim went down the drain.

2007-03-14T03:07:19Z

'I'm not cut out for bright and shiny.'

I ain't got no crystal ball...

2007-03-13T05:43:42Z

I've realized i cannot comprehend people that just blurt out whatever it is that they're feeling, it boggles my mind, to be honest.

Anyway, i was going to come here and post some long, boring, drawnout, cynical post, but i'll spare you because of above comment...

So, Clare and I planned our summer, it's going to be fucking awesome. No one really understands the pure hatred I have toward winter and spring. Well, mostly just winter, and this in between shit where it looks warm, but--ha..NO! blah.

I can't wait till summer.

Oh, and I realized I have a strange habit of not blinking until my eyes are about to bleed, if I'm reading.
hmm

Take lots with alcohol...

2007-03-05T03:25:39Z

Hello what the hell am I doing here
That's a really nice suit,
This is a really comfortable chair
See I don't know if you can help me or not
Cause I don't feel sick
But the pains in my head have almost put me underground
I don't really care if I'm healthy or not
Just clean my head up doc,
I'll give you anything you want.
See I don't know why I don't fall in love
Well maybe I know why and maybe you could make it stop.
Then we'll cut it up and bury it and leave it underground
And I'll take to wishing and fall under
Sleeping safe and sound
Just give me medicine prescribe me anything
Just knock me out and walk me through the door
I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore
Hello what the hell are you doing here
You made a really strange face
This is a really uncomfortable air
I see I'm boring you, maybe I bore myself too
That's why I need help, I'm cleaning blood off dusty shelves
I been cut up in this room so many times it might take days
And those stress cracks in the wood
How nicely the soak up the stains
Been telling myself these jokes for so long well so long
I'm a has been who is heckled on the stage

My silver lining is slowly fading.

2007-02-22T04:01:38Z

<..Insert cynical remark here..>

Paybacks a bitch

2007-02-19T18:48:19Z

We reap what we sow.

What goes around, comes around...

It's karma, and no matter how you slice it, karma sucks...

After that conclusion, I had this conversation....irony.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
01: I finally found a cute boy!
27:who? where?!
01: My job interview this morning. He was there, he's like 21, his name is Ryan, he's beautiful. There's only one problem...
27: what!
01: He's MARRIED!!!! :o(
27: YOU CAN NOT BE A DESTROYER OF MARRIAGES
01: I know, I'll just look at him..

We'll crucify the insincere tonight

2007-02-11T07:23:57Z

I've decided a change in scenery needs to take place, and it's the little things that can make my day, seriously...

With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels...

2007-02-07T06:37:11Z

I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.

I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see.

I wanted to breathe smoke.

I felt like destroying something beautiful

I've got a plan to drink for forty days, and forty nights.

2007-01-18T15:01:32Z

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head.
I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Jesse, stay asleep in bed."
So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
Search your shelf for something with which to hang yourself.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to..

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

And is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever.

MY EYES ARE OPEN.

2007-01-17T02:52:14Z

I swear to god, I'm moments away from swearing off everyone I know.